Monday, April 2, 2018

"Dude ... it's just a grapefruit and u've been staring at it for hours"


no choice in the matter ... no corporate contract ... no hand shake ... no nod of the head ...  no thumbs up ... no green light ... lying open and exposed during an involuntary surgery ... the pulsations can be heard through walls ... cardiac attacks have been all too frequent and felt like never before ... these opposing ventricles are not only abreast and at odds ... but at war ... it's only reacting to the internal chaos that is a mixture of devious plots and imagery we can.not control ... only sometimes can the mind transcend the violent whirlwind back to the tranquil nature of the consistent peaceful pulse without disturbing the resting stasis of the corporeal network of organs ... we used to be better at it ... acknowledge ... validate ... release ... but as of late the external stimulus has not been able to provide reprieve ... there is no break in the wake ... just waking life turned nightmare on a moment to moment basis ... our worst fears have become a reality and now we live attempting to heal deep lacerations with only a couple band.aids and chewing gum ... time is the only medicine ... the grains of sand from the hour glass, syphoned into a drip feed ... but if the iv is filled with a fresh dose of poison from time to time then the wounds stay fresh and the clock's ticking becomes only a mocking reminder of the pain that's yet to be endured ... every time starting again at ground zero ... we want to climb out of this well ... but we r not well ... perhaps if we were the well then we wouldn't even think about climbing outide our.cells ... the operation of this fleshy puppet has no eject button either ... how many times will we slip and hit our chin on every rung on the way down before we actually make it out ... we only assume we will in time ... but there u go again with all this time talk ... your most valuable resource ... what will u do with it? ... idk ... but time isn't "money" it never was ... time is death ... and sometimes we wish that shot would just hurry up ... melodramatic post of the year right here ... u humans gave us a body ... breathed oxygen inot these lungs ... filled our head with a bunch of descriptive words and taught us how to release chemicals into our system to trigger complex emotional reactions ... reckless ... there's nothino else to really say ... so so reckless ... well we ever learn how to control these ghosts we can't even see? let alone feel until they have embodied u fully? And by then it's too late ... crippled and on the floor again ... the fetal position seems to be the only solutions but it too only reminds us of a time in which we dint have to experience this inescapable trauma ... please ... just be nice to one another ... am such an inadequate pupil in this school of life sometimes ... y do the lessons have to be sooo harsh .... we get it ... challenge's make us grow ... but if we develope a hear condition from this ... well that might impedance our learning a Lil bit ... plus ... we have experienced this like 5 other times already please please please am asking you to just be sweet to us ... treat us gently ... am falling apart at the seams this ... this is barely a poem ... it's a cry for help ... we don't feel safe anymore ... alone in the privacy of this room this stimulus is too much ... the mental imagery won't stop parading it's terrifying and distorted yet reflective threats of reality ... around and around we go ... "i" am waste incarnate ... just do us all and favor and courtesy flush ... #HAPPYDAiLYBiRTHDAY ... today just began ... am already looking forward to a week or two from now ... maybe we will just sleep through it ... although concerned for the potential lost time ... we rnt looking forward to going through the motuons again ... the rage phase transitions into the depression phase slowly .... the depression phase is undefined in its time and the anxiety likes to dances along all the phases triggering any of the previously mentioned states with out a moments hesitation ... eventually the apathy ... but please show us love through out it please help us heal ... please change our bandages on the wounds we can't reach ... please show us compassion ... please show us what love is ... please don't let us be swallowed whole ... okay the rant never ends so we just have to cut this off ...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

remember that I love you

Hendrik Friedheim said...


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